I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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