I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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