Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
how can u be prego again
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
