well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
