Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
