Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
