Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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