The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
