I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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