I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
