Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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