Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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