I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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