this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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