What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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