Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
