Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
