hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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