omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize