11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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