It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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