you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
