Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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