Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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