considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
