Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
