My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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