Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we're making bets on your personal life
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
