ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
