you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize