i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
