If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize