I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
