road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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