i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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