How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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