Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
