I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
