I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
