So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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