Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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