Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
