Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
