If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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