I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
