I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
