I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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