there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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