I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
