I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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