Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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