When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
