Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
