see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
