i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize