He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
