Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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