i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
