My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
