my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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