i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize