You just made me feel so damn special
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
