just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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