Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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