We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
