Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
