so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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