someone get that fucking seahorse.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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