She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
