'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
