How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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