i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
