I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
