At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
