AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
