how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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