You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
