ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize