im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
